Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
