im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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