Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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