Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
