i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
