Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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