yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize