I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Randomize
