I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
