??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
