she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
