He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
