tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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