Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We are all done wearing pants today
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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