I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
