I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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