last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
