We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
