It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
