can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Randomize