and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
