I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
