Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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