Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
