you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
