I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
