Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Randomize
