apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
