i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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