When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
