what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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