So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
