all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
