She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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