can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Randomize
