My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
