I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
