I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Randomize
