Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
