I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
As shirtless as possible
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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