Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
