so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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