I think I am morally bankrupt
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
