Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
