note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
