I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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