hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
