It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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