Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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