Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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