Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
