where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
