you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
