Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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