Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
