Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
