Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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