she was so not down for the gang bang
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
