Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
