Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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