i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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