oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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