I can't watch pbs sober anymore
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Operation Purity has been aborted
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize