It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
