I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
