def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
