YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Randomize
