"it" just moved
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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