i think my tv is drunk
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
