you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
